Free Advice


HOW to USE 'ASSUMPTION' to PLAY MEN
Men will assume one thing when you meet them.  They will assume you are having sex with someone or that you are seeing someone with whom you plan to have sex.  That assumption is what will be going through his mind when the two of you meet.

“Who is the guy she’s having sex with and how can I get him out of the picture so that I can have sex with her?”
He can’t imagine a chick as hot as you NOT having sex.  He knows horny guys are pursuing you and surely you can't be turning down all those penises.  In your potential lover's mind, you MUST BE having sex.  
After all, he's having sex with the women he's dating.  Hell, he can’t go more than a few days without sex.  Certainly you can't either.  

In essence, your guy applies HIS mentality to you.  He ASSUMES!!!  He assumes the way he thinks and the way he approaches dating is the way YOU THINK and the way YOU APPROACH DATING.
I’ve learned from years of experience that people often assign their hopes and dreams to other people.  They ASSUME what they want out of a relationship is what the other person involved wants.  

For example: Men want to have sex so they often assign THAT DESIRE to the women they meet.  He thinks, “She must be sexually active with someone.  She must be horny.  She must want to have sex! All I have to do is talk to her...and get her to do with me what she's already doing/done with the others.“  
Likewise, women who want intimacy, commitment and connection often assign THAT DESIRE to the men they meet.
Let me show you how that plays out...
Weeks after meeting the woman Mr. Assumption ASSUMED wanted to have SEX...he realizes said chick is not putting out.  He now wonders what the hell is going on.  “I thought she wanted to have sex.  Why is she not having sex with me?”   
And, weeks after meeting the man Ms. Assumption ASSUMED wanted a girlfriend...she realizes homeboy ONLY CALLS WHEN HE WANTS TO MAKE A DATE (read "have sex").  She is left wondering what the hell happened.  “I thought we made a connection.  How come he doesn’t call me until he wants to see me?”
You see how that works?

Men assume women are sexually active because THEY are sexually active and sexually driven.  Women assume men want a relationship because that's what WE often secretly desire.


Everyone does it!
We place our own desires on the object of our affection and then wonder why our relationships head south.
All that said, let me spit some GAME to you Playa.  After all, that's why you're here.  I'm going to tell you how you can use that big (sexual) assumption guys often make about women...to PLAY THEM!
I call it FLIPPING the SCRIPT!  Here is your GAME PLAN:
1.     Don’t correct the assumption!
The first thing most women do WHEN A MAN ASSUMES SHE’S INVOLVED 


WITH SOMEONE ELSE SEXUALLY is correct what he thinks.  “I don’t 


have man! I haven’t had sex in 9 months.  What kind of woman do you think I am? I have to know a man for __ amount of time before I give him some!”  
Sure that clears up the guy’s misconception, but it often ruins YOUR 

OPPORTUNITY to play him. 
You see Mr. Assumption was all gassed up thinking he had you figured 

out--that he knew who you were and what you wanted.  That 


confidence, that belief was exciting and wildly seductive.  He could 


see himself in bed with you…thrusting himself inside you.  He could see 


the END from the beginning (and that’s what you want–what you need 


to play him).  



You need to SELL HIM A DREAM.
In Mr. Assumption's mind, you are attainable and although getting you 

from a conversation to the bedroom might be a challenge...it's a 


workable and worthwhile goal.  
IF YOU CORRECT his belief, you destroy HIS fantasy and BREAK the 

LUSTFUL connection he has with you.  You replace the ideal 


with the unappealing reality.
2.    Play into his fantasy!
To PLAY THIS GUY (i.e. get money from him, pull him into a romance, etc) you must let your beau think that he is on the right track (with his assumption) -- that he is moments away from living his dream.  

He is steps from the bedroom…one or two dates away from having toe-curdling sex with you.  Let him THINK this “fantasy” could happen one day very soon.
He will begin to work FOR YOU–sending flowers, calling often, arranging regular dates etc.  

Looking at the end he won’t see the REALITY of the beginning. (After all you NEVER SAID you were looking for a new sex partner; he assumed that was so). By the time his mind catches up with the truth, you will be packing him up and sending him on his way.  “IT’S BEEN NICE…BUT I THINK WE SHOULD JUST BE FRIENDS!”
Bottom Line:
A Player SELLS dreams…………………and allows their Targets to BELIEVE IN their self-created illusions.
“I am whatever you want me to be” a Player says “whatever you need me to be...until I get what I want.”
I'm sure you've met a man or two who LET YOU BELIEVE they wanted a girlfriend right up until the day you guys had sex?  He seemed so sweet -- just a little unsure about what he wanted in a woman. In fact, everytime the subject of 'dating seriously' comes up...you notice him bristle before responding, "Let's just see where things go."

But he's so cute, you pay that no mind.


You push through with the "relationship" because you just know he likes you and that he really wants a girlfriend deep down inside.  He's probably just gun shy.  "Maybe he's been hurt before..." you assume.


Then suddenly (after you two have sex) homeboy appears to get very clear about what he wants and he doesn't want from you.  He clears his throat and announces you shouldn't get attached because he's...(a) focused on his career, (b) healing from heartache, (c) not sure what he wants in life (blah, blah, blah).
Been there before Playa?  Done that?  

If you didn't know what all that jive was about, now you do!  Now you know what GAME your lover was playing!  But now you know how to flip the script.
Let me give you a closely guarded secret of PlayBoys and PlayGirls. Fantasy drives seduction.  It keeps a lover driven and pressing forward. Reality on the other hand, often stops a hopeful lover COLD.  When you allow a person to dream–to believe a thing about you that is appealing TO THEM- you BECOME A FANTASY.  You are something they want to pursue and work for.
That said, Playgirls let your Target Guy believe he has a chance to bed you, that you are whatEVER he assumes you to be.  Leave reality at your front door.  Let his imagination run wild.  

There is only something for you to gain in that scenario.  


Play his 'ASSUMPTION' GAME!  The cards are in your favor.
So the next time you meet a guy you like and he appears to "know what you want," don't correct him.  Tilt your head and smile at his suggestion: “Where do you get that idea?”  

Play into his fantasy.  Then lead him where you want him to go!
Men who are Players (without exception) are men who know and understand how women think.  Women who are Players (without exception) are women who know and understand how men think.  A Player wants to know a person’s desires, drives and triggers….and uses that to play them.
Learn the fundamentals of macking, gaming and taming men from my first book #HOWTOBEAFEMALEPLAYER: THE FUNDAMENTALS [Buy it now]

*    *     *






Men Are Like Stocks, Diversify Your Options

When I first got into the Dating Game, I only dated guys who met my ideal.  If they weren't a particular height and weight or, didn't have the social status or finances on my "Got's To Have" List, I wouldn't date them.
One day, as I pined over a guy I was infatuated with (but who wasn't acting right), with my girlfriends near my Home Room locker, a guy from my class approached me.
He was an average-looking guy with a nice build.  I had seen him around but hadn't paid much attention to him.  He was an under-the-radar type of dude--the kind you miss when you're constantly scouting-out the Big-Man-on-Campus.
He saw me standing still for once so he approached me with a few of his friends.  He asked me out in the sweetest kind of way.  I was just about to dismiss him (politely of  course), when his friend (whom I knew a lot better), spoke up for his homie.
"My guy has had a crush on you for 2 years.  Give him a chance!  He really likes you."
I turned around and really looked at the dude he was referring to.  He wasn't the best I could do, but he was attractive enough.  And, he was a sweet guy.  If he lived-up to his reputation and his friend's hype, maybe something between us could work.  I'd dated my so-called Ideal and that hadn't worked.  Maybe giving a different kind of guy my attention was what I needed to do.
I thought about this guy and his proposition that evening.  Should I try something new?  Should I give a guy who was not really my type a chance?  Is new guy's kindness and sweet demeanor enough to keep me interested?
I came to a conclusion and then made my decision.  I was gonna give this dude a chance.  I was going to step out of my comfort zone and try something new...someone new.
Me and Mr. Nice Guy dated a few weeks.  He shadowed me everywhere I went around campus.  He was waiting for me when I exited one class and he would walk me to the next.  He treated me to lunch and purchased roses for me on "Sweetest Day."  He was your typical Good Guy and I enjoyed his attention and adoration.
Oh course, things didn't work out between me and Mr. Nice Guy!  But you knew that already right?  He wasn't "too nice" as they say.  Things just didn't work out!
Although things didn't work out for long with me and Mr. Nice Guy, I learned a valuable lesson from him at the tender age of 15.  I learned "Mr. Ideal" comes along every so often, but guys you can have fun with and who can satisfy you in the meantime come along every day.
From my experience with that high-school Nice Guy, I picked-up this valuable Game...
Peep Game: Date a variety of men because each one can serve a purpose.  Have men for every occasion and every possible situation. Play the Bubble--every size, shape and ethnicity you can handle--while you wait for Mr. Perfect to show up.  
That's what Players do!  That's what I do and have done since my eye-opening experience with Mr. Nice Guy at the tender age of 15.   
Men are like stocks.  Diversification nets the best results. 
Players diversify--enjoying the benefits of each of their stock options. We don't discriminate.  We PLAY the BUBBLE. 
FOR EXAMPLE: There's the sex guy you keep around for great sex.  Then, there's the career guy you date because he's a marriage possibility.  Add a baller to the mix because they'll keep you laced and attending the hottest events in town.  Keep a quiet boy around for those nights and weekends you want to talk/be with somebody, but don't want to have sex.  Put a thug in your stable so you have somebody to call when sh*t pops-off or you need to move from one crib to another.  Get an older guy--he'll be that Sugar Sweet Daddy you can ask anything of.  Add a hustla to the mix--that enterprising dude with 3 jobs and a 10-year GAME PLAN.  This guy works constantly and he's always on-the-go.  He's your goto guy when your car needs a jump, you run out of gas on the freeway or, when your phone/electric bill needs to get paid.  He's so busy working and hustling, he won't ask many questions and is happy with the small amount time you're available.
Bottom Line: We can all sit around waiting for Mr. Right and Mr. Ideal, but I suggest dating a variety of men UNTIL Mr. Right/Mr. Ideal comes along.  You'll have more fun, spend less time alone and wishing you had a man, and enjoy way more benefits.  Catch my drift?
Oh...one more thing!  When you diversify your stable of men, you select 1 lucky Joe to get the Cookie.  Now here's another Female Player Secret:  You DO NOT have sex with every guy you date.  Doing so makes you everything BUT a female player.  Choose one lucky Joe.  The rest...well...UNlucky them!
Until next time...Don't hate the Player, Learn her Game!


*   *   *




#ButtaIsm - CAN U HANDLE THE TRUTH?


Why do men lie so much?

I remember asking one of my Playa Partners that question.  I had my own ideas but I wanted to hear his take on things. After all, he was a man (for 1) and (2) one of the biggest players I knew. My Partner looked at me and said, "Men lie because women can't handle the truth."  

I disagreed with him.  I said, "I love the truth.  I prefer a man give me the truth NOT feed me a lie.  Who are these women you speak of who can't handle the truth?"  

You see, I had met men who told me off top...their "truth."  One guy told me he was looking for a casual sex partner.  Another guy told me he too was looking for casual sex but he would enjoy some dinner and movie dates as well.  One guy told me he wasn't interested in dating.  He was a busy, very successful guy who'd been on the dating scene long enough.  He was looking for a chick to settle down with. He had money and he was looking for a chick to spend it on.  The catch?  He'd be gone most of the time.  He traveled for work.  "You in?"  And then there was this guy--a hustler--who asked me hours after meeting me if I'd be his Bottom B*tch. He had a few ho*s but needed a chick who knew the game to run his operation.

Those "truths" were shocking....but reality.  WHAT IF the guy looking for casual sex pretended to want a girlfriend?  WHAT IF the money guy lied and said we'd spend lots of time together that I wouldn't be alone for months at a time?  WHAT IF the hustler acted like he had a 9 to 5 and I found out months into the relationship that he was pimping? 

Because these guys told me the truth, I was able to take appropriate action.  I could act on the reality of the situation instead of running with A BUNCH OF LIES.

My Playa Partner explained that he and all the men he knew had tried telling women the truth but found that the chicks either didn't believe the truth OR got mad at the guys for telling the truth.  

He further explained that men want the women in their lives to stay in their lives.  The Booty Call, the Girlfriend, the Side Chick, the Dip... They don't want to run them away so at times, they say what is necessary to keep their women/woman happy--in the dark yes, but happy nonetheless.

"But eventually the truth gets out" I challenged, "then what?"  

"Then you deal with it" he said."

"By then though I might be ready to move on.  I might have gotten what I wanted from her.  Hell, THAT might GIVE ME the 'out' I'm looking for."

Again I inserted my opinion.  "I seems to me if more men were willing to tell the truth AND MORE WOMEN were willing to hear and accept the truth about their man...fewer women would be walking around feeling PLAYED."  

"That's true" my Playa Partner responded "but it'll never happen."  

"Why" I asked?

"Because women would rather believe a lie then accept the truth.  And we [men] know that.  So, we'll say what we need to say and lead you all to believe whatever in order to keep you around."
And it was that simple!  My friend had broken down something deep and I felt what he was saying.  
A woman has to want, be willing to hear, and readily accept the truth...if she wants a man to be truthful.  It's that simple.  Most men are lying BECAUSE THEY FEEL THEY HAVE TO.

And I know you're saying..."I'm not going to accept a man telling me he has a wife.  I'm not going to accept the fact that he has 2 other chicks. I'm not going to accept the fact a man wants me to take care of him financially--that he's using me for money. I'm not going to accept the fact that I'm just a booty call."

I say, "accepting" is not allowing.  

Hearing and accepting TRUTH doesn't mean you co-sign it, go along with it, etc.  Accepting truth simply means, you receive and believe the information a person gives you.  

You see, truth hurts.  It smacks you in the face.  It isn't what you want to hear.  But truth IS THE REALITY.  

Ladies, the only way a man can PLAY YOU is if you buy (or insist he feed you) a fantasy.  Truth ends THE GAME!  You can't manipulate someone who knows the truth. #PEEPGAME

And many men WILL tell you truth or, at least try.  But will you listen?

He says...

"I'm not looking for anything serious!"  (Translation: I'm seeing other women.)

"I have a lot on my plate right now so let's take things slow."  (Translation: I'm paying half my check in child support so you won't get much from me.)

"Would your friend like to go out with us some time?  My treat.  (Translation: I'll be gunning for her after I run through you.)

"I'm very busy!" (Translation: I have a number 1 girl and a number 2.  You'll have to get in where you fit in.)

Can you handle the truth?

I dated this guy who told me a month into the relationship he liked me but he was looking for someone a little wilder.  He'd hinted at a few kinky things over the course of our relationship and I'd taken note of those hints.  So, I wasn't surprised the night he asked me if he could watch me and this beautiful Ethiopian model get down.  It wasn't long after I denied him that request that he called and told me he liked me but #1, I wasn't available enough and #2, he was looking for a chick who wanted to have 'fun.'  
Like I said, dude told me his truth shortly after meeting me AND I ACCEPTED IT.  All those questions about my sexual history, if I liked women, etc were his way of telling me he wanted a freak.  I heard his truth loud and clear.  I didn't analyze it, ignore it or get mad at it.  I just decided on a course of action.  After all, he could have sold me a bag of goods.  He could have lied and sold me the relationship fantasy. Because he didn't lie and I didn't ignore the truth, he and I enjoyed a wonderful few weeks together.  He wined and dined me, really treated me well.  I should mention dude was paid and didn't mind spending his money on me.  And through him, I met 2 other men who too...wined and dined me.  
No harm.  No foul.  No hurt feelings.  

Months later I ran into that same guy at a club.  We hugged and it was love.  He said respected me for respecting myself, and I respected him for telling me the truth.
See how that works?

Ladies, a man may try to tell you THE TRUTH -- what he really wants, what he really thinks of you, what he really plans to do, etc.  It's your job to listen.  He may test the waters with a few interesting revelations to see IF you want to hear the truth...or be fed a lie.  It is at that time that you need to ask yourself if you'd rather know THE TRUTH...when you only care a little...much later...when you care a lot.
Eventually the truth about every man will reveal itself.  One year in, 5 years in, 20 years in...  But you don't have to wait that long to learn it. Choose to know the truth.  Accept it for what it is and take the appropriate action.  

It's been said, a truth hurts for a while, but a lie told over and over can scar you forever!

Peep Game ladies...don't stay lost in it!



*   *   *


I AM The Female Mack, Butta 'Fly' Jonez, Author of #HOWTOBEAFEMALEPLAYER